Perfectionism

I took the boys to gymnastics today because the toy store is only a block from the gym. I decided to swap out the girlie puzzle for one that appeals to all three children...if that's possible. Viva has quite different tastes than her brothers.

My plan to visit the toy store while the boys were at gymnastics was side-lined right at the start. Jake didn't want to go into gymnastics which was a first. He'd never before said anything negative about gymnastics to Kara or me.

However, this afternoon those big, beautiful, brown eyes were filled with tears. He couldn't/wouldn't tell me what the problem was. I told him to go into the gym and give it a try and I'd stay right outside the room (there's a big window) and if he wanted to leave, he could come out.

He went in. Bentley had already shed his coat, shoes, and socks and hit the gym. Jake took a few minutes, but he warmed up and lost the sad face. The coach came over to talk to me when he saw that Jake was unhappy.

He told me that during the previous two classes Jake had been frustrated at times. Jakers is a perfectionist. If he doesn't get it perfect the first try, he is upset with himself. Crazy kid! He's at the gym to practice; it's okay to not get it right the first time, the third time, or even the tenth time. Now to convince Jake of that.

Part of the problem is that the class is for 4-6 year olds. Jake is very coordinated for his age and can keep up with the older boys for the most part, but he's the smallest in the class. The bars are set for a slightly taller child, so it's a little harder for him to reach up or across. When the boys do backward somersaults down an incline Jake has a harder time getting up on the incline, so he loses the momentum he needs to start the roll.

The coach said Jake does really well in the class. He listens well and follows instructions. His only problem is being too hard on himself.

Jake's mother had this exact same problem. When she was in kindergarten, I discovered she wasn't participating in gym class. She was sitting on the sidelines watching the other children. She was the only child not participating. When I asked her why, she told me she wanted to figure out how the game was played before she joined it. Every week they did a new game, so she never felt comfortable enough to join in. I encouraged her to take a risk and just participate.

Bentley can be a perfectionist, too, but it hasn't been a problem at gymnastics. He loves the class and does great.